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where did the time go

I will be turning 27 in 5 days......

Where has the time gone? I know 27 is not one of those monumental birthday's but since I hit 25 I have no longer enjoyed this day. I love birthday's, I'm a huge birthday person, just ask Eric but this year I just want to skip that day.

I always thought my life would be complete, great marriage, great job and at least 2 kids by now...Only one of those is true, my marriage. Yes, my job is actually not that bad and it pays decent, and I am lucky to be in this position, but I am praying to get into grad school next fall. I want to do more. And as for the kids.....I go back and forth on this one. We have fertility issues but I don't really know that fertility is the problem. I believe with all my heart that God will bless us when we are ready and in His timing. I think that for the past 2 years of trying God has been saying not yet, not our "parts" not working. I could not imagine my life with a child right now. I am soo consumed by my job my child wouldn't know who I am.

Oh get over yourself Becky! haha!
This is soo embarrassing to admit but I take pics of myself before leaving the house to see what I look like. Yes, I have a mirror but there is more truth in a picture (in my head at least). I had quit this for a while but I just started back this week.

I was soo shocked at what I saw. My face is as round as a basketball, I have bags under my eyes, and my skin is not smooth as milk anymore. What the crap happened. Oh, yeah, it's the job that is sucking the life out of me. Mind you, I have lost 20lbs so I am glad that I wasn't taking pics then, it probably would have landed me in the State Hospital.

All of the pics I have of Eric and I are from college until about 3 years ago. So for some reason I just assume I still look like that. Then I remember that I am 20lbs heavier. My diet really hasn't changed that much, it's just I was much happier then. I think I talked about this in my last entry but we didn't have as much on our plates then as we do now. We owe thousands in taxes this year (which I will have to write the check for this week!!!. Still a no go on getting pregnant. My car payment is super high but it will be paid for in less than 2 years. This growing up stuff/being responsible stuff really sucks.

So, I decided that it's time to do more about my weight. I am going to start watching what I eat more closely and doing some cardio with my yoga. With the weather starting to warm up I'll be able to go run (haha, did i just put run?) slowly jog or walk with the doggies more. It will happen!

Okay, enough. Time to get ready for church.

what the crap?

So, I just logged on and my user pic is switched to a symbol for maserati cars?!?! WTF!
I am at a loss for words. I have never felt so disappointed in our country as I did last night when president elect obama was announced. I cried. I have never been so upset about an election. But I have to have faith in my Lord that He will take care of me.

ramblings

We are hopefully 23 days away from moving into our new home! There is so much to do though, I don't know how they are going to do it, moreless think they can do it. They have flooring to lay, cabinets to install, then our granite lady is coming out to do her thing, then it will take a 2 weeks for her to come back and install the granite. They need to install fixtures, our closet systems, put in our bathroom tub, install the glass door to our shower, install the garage doors, and much more!

I hope and pray they can get it done.

I love the fact we were able to live for free at my parents so that we could build a house, but Eric and I need to be out on our own again, to be us again.

The baby itch has hit me again! After Amy and Duncan had theirs I have not stopped thinking about having a child. Our plan was for me to apply to CRNA school (pray to get in) and then us start our family. But I would be 29 by that time and I want to be close to done by the time we are 32, so that doesn't leave us much time to have those 3-4 children. Unless I wanted to be like that Dugger lady who has spent her entire married life preggo.

I love this weather we have been having lately. I love the crisp cool air. I love wearing sweaters. I love not waking up in the middle of the night hot from the heat from my husband.

Halloween is coming soon! I love Halloween. It's one of my fav holidays! I can't wait to have little ones to dress up!

Jun. 15th, 2008

It's Fathers Day. I was really hoping to be pregnant and be able to tell Eric today but......as for the past 12 months nothing. I guess I'll have to make that dreaded appointment I was hoping I wasn't going to have to make. I know last October I wasn't ovulating but I thought it was just that month because since then I've had regular periods since the 30 days on provera but that doesn't mean I'm ovulating either. Hopefully a few doses of clomid will get me going. Eric and I are not getting any younger and if we get pregnant with in the next few month we will be almost 27 by the time we have a child so...we need to get busy!

Our house is coming along really well. They have the roof trusses up, the plywood on, and the metal ordered! This week they will start laying brick and I think doing some eletric and plumbing? who knows! I can't wait for it to be done!! Hopefull we will be in by the end of Sept!!! Keep your fingers crossed!

May. 21st, 2008

It's my 3 year wedding anniversary!

I can't believe it's been three years! We wanted to go back to Orlando but with building our house we knew we really shouldn't spend a whole lot of money so a few months ago we just decided to rent a cabin in Gatlinburg! We are leaving in the morning and coming back Saturday, then on Sunday we are going to the race in Charlotte.

I am so excited to get away and spend time with my husband. Since we live with my parents it's hard being "just us". And with my job consuming me so much when it first got started, I am in major needs of some relaxation! We are going to drive to Cherokee one day to the Casino, which so much fun. The drive there is so nice. Last time we went we were only there for like 20 minutes before we lost all our money! Hopefully we will have better luck this time.

Our house is coming along. They will be putting up the exterior walls next week and be putting on the roof in 3 weeks! I hope we are still set to be in by Sept. because I'm ready to be back to it being Eric, Brodie, Molly, and I, and getting back to trying to have a baby. I go through baby fever every now and again but I've got it bad now. I want nothing more in this life to be a mother. To be completely selfless and devote my life to raising a child. I know Eric and I will be good parents. Yes, we will make mistakes but every parent does, but in my heart I know we are meant to be parents.

house update

Our house is moving along!

They poured the footers last week and they got most of the basement blocked in yesterday and should have all the foundation done by monday! ahaha!

It felt like forever getting this started now it's moving so fast. The contractor said if everything moved like clock work we would be in by end of September, Eric and I looked and each other and rolled our eyes, we in our hearts have it set to be by Christmas, we aren't dumb, we know things happen.

Apr. 7th, 2008

it's been a while since I've updated this thing, so I though I would today while I'm wasting time.

we are closing on our construction loan today :) They have already started working on our house. They are pouring the footers today. We already have a list of stuff to pick out and get and it's going really fast! I thought it would be a slow process but now I remember how fast those townhouses went up when we lived in NC. It's the inside that takes forever!

I have a new job. I'm the RN coordinator at the Urgent Care in Abingdon that JMH (soon to be Mountain States) opened up. It's stressful at times but overall I think I like it. It's wierd being in charge especially when those nurses have been nurses for 20+ years and here I am just completing my 3rd year. All but one are pretty cool about it, they are just glad they are not in charge! hah! I still wonder why they hired me. Out of the 3 requirements I had 1, LOL. Which was my BSN, not the experience needed. Who knows. I guess they didn't have many applicants!

Back in June Eric and I started trying to start our family. But after 6 months of nothing I decided to go to the doc. Well, I hadn't started my period in 54 days and my tests were negative. Turns out from where I've gained 40 lbs since moving back to VA my progesterone levels are too low for my weight and i'm not ovulating. I did two rounds of provera to get started, which was awful. But I know God knew what he was doing. Even though having a child was a desire of mine and Eric's hearts it was not in His plan. He knew I would not be happy at Wellmont, that I would be moving to this new job, and that we would be building a house. Could you imagine all this stress and a baby?!?! Just think, if we would have been succesful the first time I would have a newborn! That's just crazy! So, I think in a few years we will be ready.

Enough rambling.

a happy update

We finally got an offer on our house in NC! It came exactly 6 months after we listed our home! After going back and forth a few times they accepted our final offer! We are super excited. We don't close until December 12th though, but I'm just glad it's finally happening. God is Good! Now we can end that chapter of our lives and start a new one!

We've been houses hunting and found one we love in Chilhowie, we are just waiting on BB&T to let us know we can get financing for the house, then after that we hope to make an offer, if it's still on the market. We were initially looking in Bristol/Abingdon but it's just too expensive, anything in our price range needs repairs and we just don't want to do right now, we just want to be able to move in, haha! If we get it I'm just dreading the drive from Chilhowie to Bristol seeing how I drive an SUV now. I think we are going to sell it on cars.com and get the Jetta back from my mom. I will hate losing the space but we seriously already put 75 bucks in gas a week in it now, it's just not very economical right now. The main reason we got the Tahoe was d/t all the traveling back and forth with the dogs, but now that we are settled, we shouldn't need the space until we have 2 kids.

So, Amanda and Kassondra, we need to get together soon!